The Spurm of Nontch

As the creator of Minecraft, I've always strived to make the game as engaging and immersive as possible. Over the years, we've added numerous features to the game, from new blocks and items to new biomes and mobs. However, with the latest update, we've added two features that are sure to change the game forever: pissing and Deadmau5.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "pissing? Really?" But hear me out. We wanted to add a new level of realism to the game, and what's more realistic than bodily functions? With the addition of piss, players can now mark their territory, put out fires, and even use it as a weapon against mobs. And don't worry, we've made sure that it's not too graphic or offensive - just a simple yellow stream.

But that's not all. We've also added Deadmau5 to the game! For those of you who don't know, Deadmau5 is a well-known musician and producer who's known for his electronic dance music. We've added him as a special mob that spawns in certain biomes, and when you defeat him, you'll get a special music disc that you can play in your jukebox. We think this is a great way to bring some new music to the game and give players something fun to hunt for.

Now, I know that some of you might be skeptical about these new features. After all, they're not exactly what you'd expect to see in Minecraft. But that's the beauty of this game - it's always evolving and changing. We're constantly listening to feedback from our players and trying new things to make the game more exciting.

So, give pissing and Deadmau5 a try! You might be surprised at how much fun they can add to the game. And as always, thanks for playing Minecraft.

http://www.scrote.org/notch/minecraft/

posted 14 seconds ago

Greetings, Minecrafters!

It's Notch here, and I am excited to announce a brand new update that will change the way you play Minecraft forever. Our team has been hard at work on this one, and I think you're going to love it.

The update is called "Rock Eaters," and it introduces a new gameplay mechanic that allows players to consume rocks for sustenance. That's right - you heard me correctly. Now, in addition to hunting for food and growing crops, you can also chow down on some good old-fashioned rocks.

I know what you're thinking - "Notch, why on earth would I want to eat rocks?" Well, my friends, the answer is simple. Rocks are a rich source of minerals and nutrients that your body needs to survive. By consuming rocks, you can stay healthy and strong even in the harshest of environments

But that's not all. We've also decided to remove movement from the game entirely. That's right - no more walking, running, or jumping. Instead, players will have to rely on a new system of teleportation to get around. This will make the game more challenging and strategic, as you'll have to carefully plan your movements in order to survive.

I know that some of you may be skeptical about these changes, but trust me when I say that they will make the game more exciting and immersive than ever before. So why not give it a try? Eat some rocks, teleport around, and see where your Minecraft adventure takes you.

As always, we appreciate your feedback and support. Without you, Minecraft would not be the game that it is today. So let us know what you think of the Rock Eaters update - we can't wait to hear from you!

Happy mining,

Notch

http://www.scrote.org/notch/minecraft/

posted 79 days ago

It has trouble running well on intel cards (including on my Eee, unfortunately), and there’s some strange crash bug on some versions of opera, but it’s relatively stable now:

http://www.mojang.com/notch/minecraft/

posted 248 years ago

Hey there, Minecrafters! I'm excited to announce our latest update, which brings two brand new features to the game: underground cock fighting and hand gliders.

First up, let's talk about cock fighting. Now, I know that some of you might be hesitant about this feature, but let me assure you that we've made it as humane as possible. The cock fighting takes place underground, in a specially designed arena that's only accessible through secret entrances scattered throughout the world. The roosters are well taken care of and are never harmed during the fights. And, of course, participating in the fights is completely optional. But for those of you who are interested, it's a great way to earn some extra loot and test your combat skills.

Next up, hand gliders! This has been a feature that's been requested by many of our players, and we're thrilled to finally be able to add it to the game. Hand gliders can be crafted using a combination of leather, sticks, and feathers, and they allow you to soar through the air like a bird. You can use them to explore new areas, travel quickly across the world, or just have some fun gliding around. We've even added some new biomes and structures specifically designed for hand gliding, so make sure to check those out!

As always, we're constantly listening to feedback from our players and trying new things to make the game more exciting. We know that underground cock fighting and hand gliders might not be for everyone, but we think they add a new level of depth and fun to the game.

So, give them a try and let us know what you think! We're always looking for ways to improve the game and make it the best it can be. Thanks for playing Minecraft!

http://www.scrote.org/notch/minecraft/

posted yesterday

I can't believe what they've done to my game. Minecraft used to be about exploration, creativity, and survival. But now, it's all about some stupid NPC named Jeb who drops diamonds when he dies. Are you kidding me?

I don't know who came up with this idea, but they clearly don't understand what makes Minecraft great. Diamonds used to be rare and precious, something you had to work hard to find. But now, you can just kill some stupid NPC and get them handed to you on a silver platter. What's the point?

And don't even get me started on Jeb himself. He's this weird, blocky character with no personality or backstory. He just wanders around aimlessly, waiting for some unsuspecting player to come along and kill him. It's like the game has become a diamond vending machine, and Jeb is the key to the jackpot.

I poured my heart and soul into Minecraft, creating a world that people could get lost in for hours on end. And now, they've ruined it with this ridiculous update. The game used to be about survival and ingenuity, but now it's all about finding the easiest way to get diamonds.

I'm not bitter or anything, but it feels like they've taken something that I created and twisted it into something unrecognizable. Minecraft used to be my baby, something I was proud to show off to the world. But now, I don't even recognize it anymore.

I hope they come to their senses and realize that adding some dumb NPC that drops diamonds isn't what Minecraft is all about. But until then, I'll be over here, mourning the loss of the game I used to love.

http://www.mojang.com/notch/minecraft/

posted right now

Hello, Minecrafters!

It's Notch here, and I'm here to talk about our latest update that's sure to leave a lasting impact on the Minecraft community. I know it sounds strange, but hear me out - the update we're announcing today is called "Jeb's Agony" and it's going to change the way you play Minecraft forever.

This update introduces a new feature that causes Jeb, one of our lead developers, to cry out in agony every time someone plays the game. Yes, you heard me correctly - every time you start up Minecraft, Jeb will let out a cry of despair that can be heard around the world.

Now, I know what you're thinking - "Why on earth would you do this to poor Jeb?" Well, let me explain. Minecraft is a game that's all about experimentation and pushing boundaries. We wanted to create an experience that's truly unique, and what's more unique than a game that makes someone cry out in agony every time it's played?

But don't worry - we're not just doing this to torture Jeb. He's actually in on the joke and thinks it's hilarious. He's a good sport and wants to see how the community reacts to this new feature.

Of course, we understand that this may not be everyone's cup of tea. That's why we've included an option in the settings menu that allows you to turn off the agony sound effect. So if you're not a fan of Jeb's crying, you can easily disable it and enjoy the game without any distractions.

As always, we appreciate your support and feedback. Let us know what you think of Jeb's Agony update and how it's affected your Minecraft experience. And remember - it's all in good fun!

Happy Mining,

Notch

http://www.mojang.com/notch/minecraft/

posted 69420 years ago